Hello everyone. So, I just sat here and spend the last couple hours reading through all 71 of the comments on this page! Steve, I have yet to click on and read any of your other above-shown links, but I’ve saved this site to my Favorites list, and soon I hope to read through some of them.

For starters, here’s my background on this subject. I’m 26 now. My first experience with the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” series was in the year 2000 at the age of 16, when my cousin — who at the time was a Youth Pastor — showed Joshua Harris’s video series to his youth group (I normally went to a different church, but attended his youth group that night). I came back the next week to watch the second part of the series. I didn’t actually get around to reading the book until 3 years later, at the age of 19. I was 20 when I read the sequel “Boy Meets Girl”. Both were very good books! I feel as though I learned a lot from both.

Like many other (in fact, probably MOST) Christians out there though, my biggest bone to pick with the book was the general overriding message that all Christians needed to stop dating and revert to courtship. Harris had a lot of good to say in his books, but unfortunately, I believe he came down a little too harshly on dating. The problem amongst Christian young adults and teenagers at that time was not the fact that Christians were DATING; it was the fact that too many of them were dating without the implementation of any biblically-based boundaries! Now, I don’t completely disagree with his ideas about courtship, but I think he made 2 distinct mistakes in those books:

1.) He bashed dating a little too harshly.
2.) He insinuated that dating is inherently wrong. (Or did he actually outright say so?? Like I mentioned before, it’s been several years since I read any of his books, so my memory of some of the specifics are a little rusty.)

What do I believe?? I believe that NEITHER dating NOR courtship is inherently wrong for a Christian to participate in. I believe BOTH can potentially have their benefits, and BOTH can potentially have their downfalls, depending on how they are handled. They both have their pros and cons. In deciding which of the two routes to take, I think we as individuals need to first be informed of the pros and cons of each, take into account our own personalities and circumstances, and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit as to which path to take. I say again, both dating and courtship both have their respective pros and cons, but no matter which of the two you choose, you must still remember to PROCEED WITH CAUTION — neither one is 100% foolproof in and of themselves!! Also, neither one is BETTER for everybody than the other — it’s different for each individual!

MOST IMPORTANTLY, no matter which of the two methods of finding your spouse you choose to use, the key is to remember to INCORPORATE BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES into your relationship!! Contrary to what some people may believe, this can be done in either a dating OR a courtship situation. That is why I personally have gravitated toward other Christian relationship books that put more emphasis on how to implement Biblical principles in a practical manner into our dating lives. Which books?? My all-time favorite Christian dating/relationship book was “The 10 Commandments of Dating” by Dr. Ben Young and Dr. Sam Adams. Now, I haven’t even seen that one on the shelves at the bookstore in a long time, but you might still be able to find it somewhere. If you see it, BUY IT!! It consists of simple, practical, down-to-earth biblically-based dating principles, and in my opinion, if you were a youth pastor who wanted to do a book-study in your youth group, THAT is the book that should be used as the basis for talking to youth groups about Christian dating principles. Also, as someone else mentioned previously, “When God Writes Your Love Story” by the Ludy’s is a good read, and from what I remember, a very well Biblically-based book. That’s just to name a couple — there are a few others.

All that being said, I have no intention of slamming Joshua Harris, or anything about his character. Despite the somewhat extreme and questionable nature of some of his writings, I still maintain a lot of respect for him. While he and I may not agree on a few points, I think he’s got a great heart for the Lord, and I believe that his heart and his motives (as far as I could tell) were completely pure when he wrote his books. One very good purpose that his writing of those books served is that it DID get Christian teens and young adults at that time to check themselves, and start thinking about the way they were conducting their own dating lives. He awoke an awareness to the subject of dating — something that may have been very necessary at that point in time.